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| That's a whole lotta Rosie! |
Apparently of the opinion that Emily would be the ideal bachelorette, and in response to negative viewer feedback about prior seasons, the producers cut Emily a check for $250,000 and moved the whole operation to Charlotte, N.C. so that she could be with her young daughter.
There is some real hypocrisy going on here about the young daughter. Emily's stated goal is to guard her relationship with her and not have the show disrupt routines. However she doesn't seem to mind having a camera crew in her house and the producers using the daughter as a tear induction mechanism to remind us of Emily's late husband.
Anyone who has seen the show knows that there is a great deal of travel involved. "OMG, is that a helicopter?!?!?!?" Do they really intend to drag this poor girl around the world and make her sit in hotel rooms while Emily goes out on group dates? That's some darn good parenting!
Coming Up... (that's what newly divorced host Chris Harrison always says before the break)
But the real appeal, (or horror) of the show is the desperate, pathetic scramble of the jaw-clenching male model wannabes who compete with each other to see who can get the most camera time. They will strut by the pool, or in the kitchen, or lounge on the sofa. They will all spend a lot of time putting on and taking off shirts. They will look into the camera during confessionals and well up with tears as they recall some difficult moment from their lives or be shocked by just how fast their feelings for Emily have grown. They will ride in limos, sports cars, yachts and yes EVEN HELICOPTERS, which is a HUGE DEAL, if you didn't know.
They will come up with elaborate stunts and schemes to get Emily's attention. They will produce a guitar from a crew member standing off camera and serenade her with a song sounding like it was written by a first grader: "You are so beautiful. So..so..so... so very beautiful." We will wince as she smiles awkwardly.
In the season opener, one of contestants thought he would score points with Emily by carrying around a large ostrich egg. (He did, she gave him a rose.) He pledged to carry the egg around with him and never let it break to demonstrate how well he could care for Emily and her daughter. I'll bet real money that stupid egg is going for a helicopter ride at some point.
As always, the men are introduced one by one, and it's only human for the viewers to make snap judgements and first impressions. They are judged by where they are from, their careers, how tall they are, how they are dressed, how much perspiring they do as they emerge from the limo, how well they define their jawline by repeatedly clenching their jaw muscles. (What am I missing with the jaw clench? Do women really notice and respond to jaw clenching? Whatever the case, I blame Brad Pitt––world class jaw clencher.)
In the season preview we were shown clips of exotic locations and over the top emotional reactions while the editors struggle with not giving away the winners and losers of the rose ceremonies. Men cry into the camera, men are on boats and airplanes, men respond with anger to the ubiquitous bad apple in the group, Emily is offended and tells him to "get the f--- out!!" (Classy!)
In the end, however it turns out, we will have a slightly nauseous feeling for having actually been entertained by this nonsense––and we will look forward to the Bachelor Pad coming in July on ABC.
